You would think living 30 miles from where I work would be my biggest obstacle in the morning. Ohhhhhh how I wish it was. To be honest, I absolutely love my drive to work everyday. Two lane country roads with nothing but open farmland and shiny grain bins in sight! It’s therapeutic. The complete opposite of therapeutic is the morning obstacles I have to tackle before I even hit the road. Who could imagine it would take this much effort to get out of the woods and into the office?
OBSTACLE #1. THE DOGS.
Morning person I am not. But a dog person? That I am. I couldn’t imagine not having a dog. My two angels are like the two children that I don’t have. I fuss over them as if they were human beings and some have told me that my tendency to treat animals as if they were real people is a disease and to SEEK HELP. But as much as I love these dogs–they are the untrained, just rolled in something dead, hyper-active, mommy can I please jump on your white pants with my muddy paws–kind of dogs.
Errrry morning, when the oven clock says 7:20, I grab my purse, walk to the kitchen door and there they are. Panting. Tongues out. Wagging tails and thinking…
“C’mon out here Momma. I can’t wait to send you off to work with a paw print on your ass!”
My goal is to get from the kitchen door to the car door without dog hair, mud or paw prints on my pants. There is a lot of screaming and shoo’ing and “Lukeeeeeee call the dogs!!!!!” going on during my sprint to the car.
OBSTACLE #2. MORE MUD.
This is what the side of my car looks like every day of my life. Even on the sunny days I’ll hit potholes full of water turning my dusty car into a muddy one. You can imagine what an obstacle it is to get in and out of my car without accidentally letting my pant leg touch the side. It is kinda like my cardio….lots of jumping in and out of the car. Good for the abs. But don’t forget I’m being chased by two dogs so I’m in a big hurry when I jump in. This is when I break a sweat.
OBSTACLE #3. THE GATE.
God…if you can hear me…puh-leaze let me wake up one morning to find an electric gate has appeared!
I’m definitely not complaining. We lucked into an amazing house on an amazing piece of property on an amazing lake. What is there to complain about? But…there is one little itty bitty tiny thing that is driving me to drinking.
Step 1. Get out of your car…
I just got into my car to leave! Why am I having to get back out? Because of the stupid gate.
Step 2. Unlock the master lock.
I’ve never had any luck with the master lock. A guy walks up to master lock and the key slides in with ease. A girl walks up to a master lock and the key won’t even fit anymore. I think the master lock has a brain of its own. It knows I’m a female and it is laughing at me. “hahahahahha good luck getting to work on time you stupid female.”
Step 3. Go get back in your car…
Did I not mention that I already got into my car and out of my car and now I’m getting back into my car?
Step 4. Drive through the gate.
Hang on guys…we’re almost done here.
Step 5. GET BACK OUT OF YOUR CAR AGAIN.
OMG. Lordy be. help me Rhonda. Heavens to Betsy WHY am I out of my car again?
Step 6. Lock the master lock.
Step 7. Get back in the car and bye bye Kallie.
Oh crap! I forgot my cell phone. Let’s take it from the top!
I thought my morning obstacles were bad but no you have me beat by a mile! Enjoyed all your blogs! And it would be great to be a Grandparent photographer. Wecolme to Lake
Washington – I love to visit there- it is a world all on its own.
So glad to see that I am not the only person with this problem. I have five dogs, a muddy car, and a gate. Fortunately, my gate does not have a lock. Leaving in the morning is not as bad as coming home in the afternoon. All the babies will be standing at the gate waiting for me to come in and they all want to share their love and dirty feet with me.
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